Alan's Birthday Letter From Burke

Burke is not a very good record keeper.  He is fairly diligent about recording special dreams he has and occasionally he will write in his journal, but not often enough for my taste.  When Burke sent the following letter to Catherine for his Dad's birthday book, I was touched beyond words.  It was such a beautiful snapshot into his memories and into his current feelings as a young husband and father.  I want to preserve this for our children so they can read their father's words and get a glimpse into the heart of this amazing man.  How did I ever get so lucky that I found and married this upstanding person?  It gives me cold chills to think that through some remarkable twist of fate he chose me and changed my life forever.

Alan with Catherine and Burke in 1986.

Dad,

Catherine asked us in mid- December to write a letter or some memories we have had with you and I am writing this on January 31!  I have good reason, and it's not procrastination.  When asked to tell something about your Dad/Father/Friend/Boss/Mentor/Moving Service etc etc etc, it wasn't a task that I could just plop down and complete in a few minutes.  My mind raced through memories and experiences I have had with you, and I can't wrap my head around all I want to say.  The big 60 is finally here and now I will try to compile some thoughts and memories about you that I have had through my life.  

First the memories.  They are in no specific order.  I jotted them down as they came to me.

- You hauling dirt in the back yard with old red truck, me sliding down the lifted bed with my Converse All-Stars shoes.

- Pulling me and Mike around on tubes.

- Driving the "Binder" Tractor and Feeding Cows and Sheep

- You feeding sheep, late nights with all the lights hanging over the sheep, me falling asleep in some straw.

- Docking the sheep with you, pulling out testicles with your teeth.

- Slaughtering sheep and skinning them. I asked you if it hurt them and you gave me my first lessons on life after death.

- Teaching me and Mike about the birds and the bees in the little blue Toyota, and me having the thought of a chicken egg inside mom and Kellie. Then again on a semi-truck trip and all I can remember you telling me, with a bright red face holding onto the giant steering wheel, is that "it feels good"

- Many Trucking Trips with you and Mike, and even one with Catherine when she ate like 3 hotdogs and couldn't have been more than 3 years old. And Mike E-Hee-A-Doy unloading the cows and saying, "Son of a Butt!"

- You driving into a snow bank and breaking your arm at the Lamphs.

- Trips to Co-op to check the sheep and the herders (Clint, Jimmy Ward, Matt Harris, Shawn Carter).  

Alan, Wes, Burke (holding Pal the dog) and Mike at The Old Farm

- Riding on the back of a horse (Pasatch, or Frosty) with you from Oak Springs and freezing.

- I remember being really happy when you got home from your meetings, you always seemed to have meetings going on.

- Climbing into bed with you and mom.

- You and mom getting after me, Mike, and Mac as we were downstairs (but just below your room) using a little more than colorful language.  I thought we were dead but thank heaven you were understanding of our boyish tendencies and sent us back downstairs with a lesson in being clean.

- Any time you would sit us down after a dilemma you had just witnessed or been through and taught us what you had learned or why we need to be obedient to the teachings of the gospel.  

- Teaching me how to throw a baseball and letting me pitch to you in the back yard and yelling, "STRIIIIIIIIIIK!" 

- Hitting me in the face with the ball as I learned to catch.

- Kicking my butt after I told you "No!" when you told me it was time to go inside and for the Warby's to go home. Your eyes lit up and knew I was toast.  It was the fastest walk I think I had ever seen, and you were wearing irrigation boots.

- Many scuffles with Alma, but even more good visits with them at our house.

- Lighting countless fires in the old fireplace and spinning open the vents.  

- Hauling in wood and throwing it in the window well just like we still do today.  

- Burning the pit at the farm using only the good stuff: unleaded gasoline.  I learned by example how to avoid getting your brows completely singed during ignition.

- You messing with the antenna on the house and relaying through three people (one up stairs, one downstairs and one at the TV) if the signal came in.

- Your lunches you would bring to us at the farm.  We always knew when you had made it because it usually involved an entire quart of peaches, a half a bag of chips, super thick sliced bread and a gallon jug of water!

- Me and mom throwing water on you in the shower and you screaming like Grandma Elaine.

- When I shot you in the face with a dart gun in the car before somebody's baptism.  You grabbed it (brand new by the way) and threw it as hard as you could and smashed it in the street.  

- Going with you to your bishopric meetings and getting candy form Brent "Cog" Parry.  I also remember throwing a rubber band in a heater next to Leland Page and watching in melt and then burn.  The mark remained for years!

- Sitting up on the stand with you in church and eating sen-sens.

- Me and you watching Robbie Frazier ("want a candy bar") have a near hear attack only later to find out that he had knelt on something and wigged out.  I thought he was going to die.

- You smashing Jimmy Ward's cigarettes.

- You and Alma being patient/not so patient with Carl Wilson when he would run stuff over with the swather.  I think he holds the record for hand lines destroyed?

- Some of the crazy people you guys have hired or associated with - The Indian guy, Robbie, the murderer who borrowed your ax, the guy who started the fire in Paragonah because his car backfired and his rag caught fire and he threw it on the bottle of gas behind him.

- When you hopped out of the bale wagon to get your lunch I had brought you and shoved a screwdriver in your eye trying to get the weather strip back on the window.  I drove as fast as I could to the clinic and you had to tell me to calm down and stop swearing.  I remember going in the clinic before you and there was Gail Harris and a few people waiting to be seen and I said, "uh..my dad just.." then I pointed out the window and you were walking in the clinic and you had your hand over your eye and blood was running down your face and everyone gasped.  Then they couldn't get their little oxygen tank to work, laid you down and they hauled you off to Cedar, I think in an ambulance?  I still remember going back to the bale wagon to get something and it was still running and your lunch was still sitting there.  I dropped to my knees and cried for a minute and prayed that you would be ok. Uncle Doug gave you a blessing and I saw you later that evening with your eye stitched up and couldn't believe that you still had your eye.  I strongly believe that the priesthood saved your sight and your eye that day.  I watched that screwdriver go deep in your eye and I was sure that you were going to lose it.  I was really thankful you didn't.

Saddling the horses at 4 AM before the cowherd - June 2009

- I remember crying over the time you told me that the video camera didn't work when I hit a home run in minor league baseball.

- I remember you taking us to wresting matches as kids and you always called Mike "Heavy Duty"

- Taking us fishing on the Hoosier and landing the biggest fish we've ever caught. 

- Hunting Deer -  This subject deserves a book of its own, but I'll mention a few of my favorite memories about the deer hunt:
- My first year I was able to hunt and I shot that spike and then lost it.  

- With you and Tommy's friend on Choke Cherry landing my first buck! Then you shot an even bigger one 30 minutes later at Ken's cabin.

- You telling me to go ahead and shoot while you stay in the truck when we see a deer. We see a deer and before I could get my gun off safety you had it on the ground.

- Running the Skougard year after year.

- My favorite part of the hunt now is to hear you tell of all the deer you have seen and bagged over the years.  Even though we may have heard them over and over it never gets old to hear the excitement in your voice as you recount years of hunting experience.  

- Coming to my baseball, basketball, and football games.  I could always hear your whistle out of all the other noise.

- Many trips herding cows to and from the mountain.  Some better than others!

- Your experiences with the saw mill and and the chaos that went down with Damon Sargent's fraud.  I still remember David Hamilton asking you something about Damon at M&D and seeing the frustration in your face.

- Banana Sticky Buns.

- Mom always buying you cashews on your birthdays.

- Merit Badge Pow Wows where you were teaching the class and wouldn't put up with any talking while you were talking.  I worried my friends wouldn't like you.  Turns out they all respected you.

- You getting kicked in the hand by the cow in the squeeze chute. You turned pale as a ghost.

- Your state record for most dogs ran over.

- You with the Stake Presidency playing 3 on 3 basketball against the Priests, and winning most of your games.

- You jumping into the pool with your levis because you didn't pack your swimming trunks on the Stake Presidency Trip (what was that for? General Conference I think)

- Shooting clay pigeons.

- Talking with Herman the German out front.

- Trimming Grandmas hedge.

- Picking apples at Warren A's

- Home teaching to Dallas Barton.

Burke and Alan on our wedding day - June 6, 2009

I am 31 years old.  When you were my age I was the same age as Daphne, around 2 years old!  It's hard to believe that I am now where you once were.  It makes me feel like life is really short, and I suppose it is.  I don't know where to begin as I think about what you have meant to me in my life.  There have been many hard times and trials throughout my life, but there has been even more joy and happiness.  Throughout the entire "process", as you call it,  you taught me where to look at all times.  Your example coupled with Mom's has guided my life in so many ways.  You have practiced what you have preached, and when you haven't you have repented.   I can't think of a better way to be as a fallible being on a journey to become perfected through a Savior and become as our Heavenly Father is.   There have been countless times where I have solicited your advice and counsel.  Every time I have come away heartened and motivated as you have admonished me to simply do what is right and then trust in the process. 

A couple of days ago Daphne passed out from holding her breath because she was so upset that I had taken something away from her since it was time for bed.  Emily was at the gym and I was a wreck.  I tried to blow in her face and do anything to calm her down but her little body wasn't having it.  She finally went limp and came to a few seconds later.  I was scared and furious.  I was completely helpless and couldn't do anything to change her mind.  She looked at me as I held her in my arms and reached up and touched my nose.  Of course I melted and I asked her if she could say nose and ears to make sure her brain still worked, it did.  

The feelings I felt were those that could only be felt by a father.  Here was a kid I was responsible for and loved more than anything in the world except her mother.  I would have done anything to step in and change how she behaved, but it was her choice.   As I think about all the things I must have put you through it makes me appreciate you even more for working with me through it all.  I understand a little better how you must have felt as we were sick, noisy, disobedient, happy, successful, unsuccessful etc.  You could only do the best you could and then you had to let us go and do.  Sometimes we succeeded and sometimes we fell on our face, but you were always there to offer encouragement and counsel.   I am realizing that there is an eternal pattern going on in our lives every day.  Just as you have brought me up and taught me how to live, Heavenly Father has also taught us how to live and then let us go and do it.  I wonder if it is frustrating for him to see us make mistakes or not live up to our potential.  Thankfully he is more patient with us than we are with ourselves.

Burke graduating with his Masters Degree - June 2010

I am grateful that you led me to not only believe the gospel but really know and live it.  I used to get so frustrated when you and Mom wouldn't allow us to participate in things that nearly everyone else did because you didn't feel good about it, or because it simply went against the counsel of the church.  I think about your decision to honor the Sabbath, watch good entertainment, participate in our callings and duties, hold family home evening, keep high standards and more.  Did I miss out on some things?  Yes.  Could you have eased off a bit? Yes.  Are your children dwindling in unbelief? No!  Coincidence?  Not even.  You knew what was right and you did the best you could to teach us the way.  Don't think we didn't notice you and Mom kneeling by your bed every day either.  In the not too distant future you will have your entire family with you in the temple (I can safely assume that Krissy will marry in temple).  That to me is the definition of true success.  You have been constant and determined in your eternal goals, much because of your choice of eternal companion!                   

Thank you for marrying and honoring Mom.  She is the best thing that has ever happened to you and will ever happen to you, but you already know this.  I am grateful that you never let anything become more important to you than her.  Since being married I understand much better the phrase "becoming one flesh."  Man truly is not without the woman in the Lord.  How grateful I am to be taught that lesson by example and not word only.  Growing up I wouldn't have cared about life if you had separated.  You were my guides and examples and moral compass.  You built on The firm foundation and as a consequence have not been tossed to and fro.  Thanks again for honoring Mom and being faithful to her.   

I love you Dad.  Your one of my best friends and I look up to you in ways you'll never know.  I look forward spending more time together, and seeing what you will do with the next 30 years of your life.  As you continue to progress, serve missions, serve community etc, I hope you will always take the advice that you have given me and "Trust in the Process."  Life is to be enjoyed, so now that you are debt free, child free, and Diet-Caffeine Free I expect you will experience great things ahead.  Happy 60th Birthday Pa.

Love Your Son, and your namesake,  

Alan Burke