Running the Parowan Half Marathon with Aiden (Special Guest Contribution by Burkie!)

Early this year I began to feel the itching to run another half marathon.  Burke and I hadn't ran seriously since 2012 when we ran the Snow Canyon Half Marathon together (my second half, Burke's first) when Daphne was about 18 months old.  Since then the longest distance I had run at one time was about 6 miles.  However, three things propelled me to resume running this year: the desire to regain my health and shed the nearly 50 lbs I had gained during the traumatic twin pregnancy, the joy of seeing my strength returning after a year of physical and emotional heaviness and the yearning I had to fill this summer with positive things to lift my spirit instead of wallowing in the agony of all the milestones that we would encounter - one year since we learned the babies were struggling, one year since our laser surgery, etc.

I asked Burke if he would be willing to do another half with me and though he balked at the idea initially, it didn't take too much to convince him.  We signed up for the Parowan Half, excited to run the familiar road from Yankee Meadows down to Burke's home town.  With the course being primarily downhill, we were excited at the prospect of beating our previous time (1:44:58) and began a 12 week training schedule in May to be prepared for the August 5 race day.



5 years ago when we trained for Snow Canyon, we ran almost every night together as a family, pushing Daphne in the jogging stroller and only taking turns running on Saturday mornings when we had our long runs and didn't want to torture Daphne with 10 miles in a stroller.  However, the training this time around has felt much more demanding and time consuming as we have had to wake extremely early in the morning to try and get up before the kiddos and take turns with one of us on the treadmill one day and the other outside on the pavement and switching the next day.  Even when we woke at 5:30 or 6 to get a run in, more often then not one or all three of the kids would be awake within a few minutes, forcing the person on the treadmill to interrupt their run and get breakfast, bottles and books/toys to entertain little people as they hung out next to the treadmill (sometimes throwing soccer balls at the feet of their mama and almost killing her! Ugh.).  However, despite the difficulties of training logistics with busy schedules and 3 young children, we persevered and constantly aimed to run a sub 8 minute mile in order to beat our previous time.

Our colorful 12 week training schedule

I was going to go on at this point and write about the actual race day and the incredibly special experience we had, but Burke has graciously allowed me to copy and paste a few thoughts he jotted down a couple of days after our run.  Just FYI this is the very first time he has contributed on our family blog and I am pretty thrilled about it, even though he didn't intend this to be read by anyone else.  Here are his words.

Running with Aiden

Emily and I ran the Yankee Meadow (Parowan) Half Marathon on Saturday the 5th of August.  We had been preparing for 12 weeks, following a training schedule as meticulously as we could. We trained two weeks previous by running down the canyon, starting at the top of the mountain on your way to the Yankee reservoir where the pavement ends. There were barriers set up to keep people off the road due to the Brian Head forest fire but since we had Co-op valley we were allowed (or at least we justified) ourselves to go around the barriers in spite of a $5000 fine warning.  We had good runs and bad runs but saw progress each week as we saw seconds shave off our normal times. What used to be long runs seemed short as our training schedule would extend our long runs 1 mile each Saturday until we got up to 12, which is the distance we ran from the Mountain.

The race ended up being rerouted as the barriers were still up and rains were causing concern for flooding.  The starting point was moved to the chain up area below Brian Head.  I saw friends from High School that I hadn't seen in a long time (Cheryl Evans Meibos, Shannon Edwards Eves, Stacia Johnson Smith, Beth Burns) and had a quick visit with each of them. Becca Evans, Alex's wife, was there with Cheryl running as well.  We talked with Mike Greer who just opened a running store where I had purchased new shoes from three weeks earlier. He is always upbeat and encouraging. Emily met an Indian family who was from Chennai where she had been when she was in India. We met a few other people who were kind and friendly. Emily pointed out that runners always have a good aura about them, I would agree.

We ate some food about an hour before which included a Clif bar, chia seeds and some weird figgy pops from Costco that had a mix of fruit and seeds, and I also took a couple ibuprofen to help relax a sore muscle in my lower left calf. We were stretched and had gone to the bathroom (multiple times) and were ready to go!

As we started the race the weather was beautiful as it had rained the night before. The temperature was around the low to mid 60's. We kept around a 7'30" pace on the downhill and shot to keep an average of under 8 minutes.  I had the app Runkeeper going which would remind us every half mile and 5 minutes what our distance and pace was.  As we got into our stride we felt good. As we approached the 4 mile mark I looked over at Emily and started thinking about our path to get to this point. I thought about the weight she'd lost over the past year after her pregnancy, then I thought about Aiden's passing and thinking that we had wanted to do something for him such as this race (I don't remember if we verbally had the conversation but it felt right) I felt like we were running this race for him.  I looked down at Emily again and smiled and she looked back up at me and I said "I think we're running this" and Emily finished my sentence and said "for Aiden!? I was just barely thinking the same thing!"  At that moment we both felt the presence of our son and a feeling of peace and motivation to push ahead, that we had him right there along side us giving us encouragement!  Emily felt she knew his appearance, that he was blonde, had her eyes with my big smile and was about 10 years younger looking than me.  It was a tender mercy and definite confirmation to us that he was and is there for us!  I will never forget this moment. It reminded me of when I went to the temple the day after we found out he passed and I had been praying for peace and permission to feel Aiden's presence and in the Celestial Room I saw my reflection and felt the Spirit say, "Here you go, this is what your son looks like."

I am grateful for small powerful moments like these that give us a glimpse into Heaven and re-confirm and build our testimony of the plan of happiness!

Minutes before go time!

Ok, I can't help myself, I have to share a few more details from my perspective, but I will try to be brief (ha!).  Race day was awesome.  Spent the night at Alan and Marie's house in Parowan so they could watch our kiddos for us, got up at 5 AM and headed up to the Fair Grounds for our packets, boarded buses, etc.  I was nervous and went to the bathroom FIVE blasted time from the time I woke up at 5 until we began the race at 7.  Amazing how your mental state can affect your body so dramatically!

As we began the race, we both felt so strong and excited as we pounded out the miles down the canyon.  I was enjoying the scenery, watching the other racers around us and lost in my own thoughts when around 4 miles in I suddenly had an unexpected thought jump out of my stream of conscious and pierce my heart that said simply, "You're running this race for Aiden."  At that exact moment Burke looked over at me with an emotion filled smile and said, "I think we're running this," and I finished at the same time as him, "for Aiden."  We had been silent for well over a mile before this passed between us and the uncanny timing, that both of us would have such a strong impression at the exact same time brought choking sobs to erupt from me as I continued to try and keep our strong pace and at the same time tune into the strong spiritual experience we were having.  Burkie reached over and lovingly squeezed my hand tightly for a few paces.  With Burkie on my left, I then looked over to my right and extended my free hand to the open air beside me.  In my mind I imagined a grinning, blonde haired young man in his mid twenties, exuberant and strong and so thrilled to be there with us.  Although I couldn't see him, I felt his presence right beside us.  It was an amazing, undeniable spiritual experience.

Mile 6 coming out of Parowan Canyon right before we passed Aiden's headstone at the cemetery and I blew him kisses.

As the race continued, I drew on that knowledge that our son was running with us and felt strengthened as the course became more challenging.  Once we hit town we were still only 6 miles in with 7 left to go.  Miles 8-10 were all on a dirt road which was difficult for me as I tried to navigate the rocky, muddy (it had rained during the night) road without slipping and I began to feel myself slowing down.  And then, to our horror, we realized mile 10 to the finish line, the entire last 3 miles would be an uphill battle.  At this point we were still averaging a 7:57 minute mile and were right on target for getting a new PR!  However, as we hit mile 12, we rounded onto the one and only downward dip followed by a mini hill that at this point felt like a mountain.  As we tried to fight through screaming legs, I felt a weird popping sensation in my right hip and knee and sadly admitted to Burke that I needed to walk.  He was still feeling so strong, but was such a good sport, staying with me 3 different times as I had to run and then walk before I finally told him to go on without me and beat our time.  However, as he nodded and began running ahead, he got only about 10 yards ahead of me before I pathetically called out, "Waaaaait!  I don't want to cross the finish line without you!!!"  Laughing, he turned back and grabbed my hand, pulling me along with him.  

As we rounded the very next corner to our delight we spied Marie with our 3 sweet children, holding signs and cheering for us.  As I had struggled through the last 3 miles I had found myself chanting in my head the a rhythmic mantra, "Daph-ne, Dar-cie, Al-an, Ai-den, Do-ing, This For, Them." over and over.  I realized that while the running had been an opportunity to build strength and lose weight, it was also to help me be the kind of mom, wife and woman I want to be.  The kind of  who gets up when she's tired and sticks to it (running, mothering, life), striving to be the best she can be, even when everything seems to be telling her to quit.  I want to be an example of health and happiness and fortitude for my children in every aspect, not just in exercise, but I do hope that when they see us working towards challenging goals like this that it will leave an impression on them and help them to work through difficult obstacles in their own lives.

We stopped to give them kisses and renewed from the joy of seeing their beautiful faces, kicked it up a notch as we finished the final quarter mile.  To my great disappointment, our final time on the clock read 1:48:33 - just 3 minutes and 35 seconds slower than our Snow Canyon time.  Curses!  If only I hadn't given in after the duck pond and walked!  I was so disappointed in myself!  However, as we consulted with other runners who had their varied running aps clocking time and mileage, all of our phones said the race had actually been 13.4 miles instead of 13.1.  Looking at Burke's Ap, we actually hit 13 miles at 1:45:36 so I think it was closer to only a minute off of our time.  This eased my inner frustration, but I still wish I had pushed through the pain and kept running through that last mile and beat it!  Boo.

Regardless of our final time, I am so grateful that we made it a goal and priority to run this race this summer.  Not only did it help Burke and I to obtain greater physical fitness, but I also know that the constant exercise helped me maintain greater mental and emotional health as well as we passed through many triggers of painful memories of last summer.  I am grateful that on race day I was able to run with a strong body, strong mind and a strong heart.  Here's to many more good days to come.