Fan the Flame of Your Faith - Of Miracles and Motherhood

In the past year, I have tried to establish a habit of consistently listening to audio versions of General Conference several times a week in addition to my daily scripture study.  I listen while I fold laundry, cook dinner or mop the floor.  Listening to the words of our living prophet and apostles uplifts me and speaks to the specific concerns of my heart.  At the start of September, I made a goal to listen to all of the April 2013 conference session talks once more before the October session (which starts tomorrow!) which has sometimes meant I've listened to 2 and 3 talks a day in order to finish on time.  (Archives of previous General Conference messages found HERE)

Two days ago, I was listening to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (my favorite speaker along with Elder Uchtdorf, Elder Eyring and of course President Monson) give his April address entitled, "Lord, I Believe" (found HERE) and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  But not for the reason you might think.

In his address, Elder Holland tells of the miracle recorded in the book of Mark (9:14-24) when Jesus healed the son of a man who, when asked if could but believe replied, "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief."  Elder Holland then goes on to describe the importance of being true to the faith we do have, rather than focusing solely on our weaknesses or doubts.  In his characteristically direct and poignant manner Elder Holland says,

"Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, 

but first and forever 

fan the flame of your faith, 

because all things are possible 

to them that believe."

I wept.  And then I listened to the talk again, this time viewing every word, every analogy to this chapter in my life as a young mother.

So when Elder Holland said:

"The size of your faith

 or the degree of your knowledge

 is not the issue - it is the integrity you demonstrate 

toward the faith you do have 

and the truth you already know."

I heard something along the lines of:

"Your perfection and expertise as a mother is not the issue - it is the integrity you demonstrate toward the abilities and love you do have and the maternal truths you already know."

Likewise, when he said:

"When problems come and questions arise, 

do not start your quest for faith by saying how much you do not have, 

leading as it were with your "unbelief."  

That is like trying to stuff a turkey through the beak!  

Let me be clear on this point: 

 I am not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have.  

I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have.  

Sometimes we act as if an honest declaration of doubt 

is a higher manifestation of moral courage 

than is an honest declaration of faith.  

It is not!"

 I heard:

"When problems come with your toddler and questions arise as a parent, do not start your quest for correct parenting by saying how uncertain you are at your abilities as a mother, leading as it were with your "unbelief."....I am not asking you to pretend you are a perfect mother, that you know exactly the right way to react in every situation.  I am asking you to be true to the gifts and qualities you do have."

And later when he said:

"Furthermore, you have more faith than you think...so be kind 

regarding human frailty - your own as well as those who serve with you

in a Church led by volunteer, mortal men and women.  

Except in the case of His only Begotten Son, 

imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with.  

That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it.  

So should we.  

And when you see imperfection, 

remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work.  

As one gifted writer has suggested, 

when the infinite fullness is poured forth, 

it is not the oil's fault if there is some loss 

because finite vessels can't quite contain it all.  

Those finite vessels include you and me, 

so be patient and kind and forgiving.

I heard:

"You are a better mother than you allow yourself to admit.  Be kind to yourself and to the mothers around you.  Besides Jesus Christ, there has never been a living soul who has performed their labor perfectly.  Heavenly Father knows your limitations, but he also knows your great capabilities.  Just because you make mistakes does not mean your work as a mother should receive anything but your highest efforts.  Be patient with yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  Forgive yourself.  Be all that He intended you to be."

Too often, I focus on the things I struggle with.  I don't know if I'm afraid that sharing the things I do well or my successes as a mother will come across as boastful or conceited, but only documenting my frailties is creating a picture for my children that I was a mother who continually struggled.

For myself and my children, allow me to "fan the flame of my faith" in my abilities.

I love being a mother.  I love waking up to the sound of Daphne's little feet running down the hall while she calls out for me - her dearly loved mother.  I love her bright sunshine face peaking over the side of my bed, delighted to see me and I reciprocate that delight through fuzzy eyes and tired smiles.  My day is filled with patience, with kindness, with teaching and learning, with kisses and cuddles and plenty of positive encouragement for this precious little soul in my care.

I am a good mom.  I am not a perfect mom.  I will never be good at "crafternoons" or perfectly gelled pigtails.  I don't react well to whining or defiance.  I struggle trying to relinquish my selfish desires for "me" time when my child still needs me.

Yet, I am a good mom.  My daughter is happy, smart, kind, fun, and loving.  We play, we laugh, we read, we learn, we love.

I cannot allow myself to continue to focus on my imperfections rather than the things I do well.  It is detrimental to my spirit and my daughter.  For her and myself, it is time to have confidence in myself and to let my flame burn brightly - for you never know who may be warmed by my light.

*****

For those of you who would like a chance to be uplifted by the words of a living prophet of God, join us in watching General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints this Saturday (October 5) and Sunday (October 6).  See HERE for a link to session times.