Working Mama
So I woke up bright and early this morning and thought, well, as long as I'm awake and I'm still heavy with child, I may as well try to get another blog in before this baby comes and my other babies (Burke and Daphne) wake up! Here's a slightly controversial issue that's been on my mind for months.
My sister-in-law Kristen has had lots of exciting changes in her life over the past few months from finishing student teaching, graduating from college, meeting the love of her life, getting engaged and securing a teaching position at a charter school in Lehi. So many big life changes all at once! I've loved that Kristen and I both chose English Education as our field of study as it makes for so many fun conversations about literature, grammar and teaching.
Before Krissy moved and started her job up in Lehi in August, she taught English for several months on Tuesday and Thursday evenings at a Girl's Ranch correctional facility near our home here in Enoch specifically for troubled girls all over the United States. Once she was offered the job up in Lehi, she told her boss that she would be leaving, but that she had a sister-in-law who may be a good candidate for the position. We had talked about her neat job many times and I thought it sounded like such a great setup doing two things I absolutely love: teaching English and working with teenagers to make a positive difference in their lives.
When Kristen called to ask me if it was okay to give her boss my number and I then had the chance to schedule an evening to go observe her in action out at the ranch, Burke and I began to heavily discuss the pros and cons of me working. It has always been my intention to be a stay at home mother. I have seen the positive affect of stay at home moms in my own life as well as the lives of my siblings, in-laws, friends, etc. I have been proud of my college education and excited to teach in the future when my babies were grown, but my plan has always been to keep my career on hold until my children were in school and even then I feel it would be important to keep work at a minimal until they are grown and gone, allowing me the ultimate measure of influence on their lives as possible. That has always been my plan and something that Burke and I felt strongly about before we were even married. However, this teaching position was so appealing because it was only two nights a week, from 3:30-8:30, which would mean that we would only need a babysitter for Daphne for 1.5 hours on those days as Burke could be home with her before 5 and then they could have some daddy/daughter bonding time.
With this appealing outlook in mind, I sat down and made a list of the numerous pros of working with reasons varying from the extra income, making a difference in the girls' lives, the location, feeling like I'm making a financial contribution to our family, keeping my teaching license current and especially getting some "real" teaching experience since I had Daphne right after my student teaching and never had a professional teaching job. After listing about 15 significant positive reasons for teaching, my con list came up much shorter with only 3 things on the list. They were:
1) Being away from my family 2 nights a week
2) Becoming distracted from my primary focus as a mother
3) Getting too attached to the girls/emotionally involved in their stories
I stewed over the list, talking with Burke and other family members about the opportunity multiple times and of course praying for guidance. I finally decided no decision could be made until I had actually gone out to the ranch. So, towards the end of June, I joined Kristen one night and observed her in action. The ranch was a super cool setting and facilities, the girls were awesome and the teaching was incredibly flexible, yet I just could not feel at peace. I kept reviewing my list and logically it seemed like I should just do it! What a great way to get my feet wet as a working mama with such a minimal impact on my family! What a fantastic opportunity!
So why was my heart so heavy?
Finally, at the end of July I was officially offered the position and with hardly a second thought, I knew what my answer should be. Thank you, but no thank you.
I felt like a giant boulder had been lifted from my back.
You see, although it was only 2 nights a week away from my family, it was still 2 nights away from my family. And that was a sacrifice I was not willing to make. I was not willing to miss a single game of Candyland, nightly family prayer or bedtime songs. I didn't want to eat dinner at the ranch knowing that my family was a few miles away, eating dinner without me in our home. I didn't want someone else caring for Daphne's well being while Burke and I were away. In short, I was not willing to miss even one evening of this precious and fleeting chapter of our lives in exchange for more money, more experience, more "me time" or more credibility. I decided that my family comes first.
Many would say I'm overboard, that a Mom has every right to further her career and be out in the work force. And I would agree that every Mom has that right, however, if she has that choice and can choose otherwise, I believe she should choose her family. I know there are many people who truly do not have the option and must have the mother in the work force in order to survive and I know that the Lord can and will help those mothers be the best they can when they are home. However, I will irrevocably say, as I have had it confirmed to me again and again, that the ideal place for a mother to be is at home raising her family.
The more I observe other family dynamics and hear of problems in the families around us, it is very often linked to a mother being out of the home. I think about the little kids I recently tended for a family in our ward who started calling me "Mom" after less than 2 hours in my home because they are constantly being farmed out while both of their parents work long hours. I was heart broken to think that it appeared they had lost their connection with their mother and longed for someone to teach them and nurture them.
I feel so blessed that Burke has the kind of job where I can be a stay at home mother, that I not only feel the importance of being home, but that I also love being home. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be here, now, doing all I can to teach my daughter to be good, kind, hard working and virtuous. I hope that if I ever have temptations again in the future, that I will remember the peace I felt when I put motherhood first.
My sister-in-law Kristen has had lots of exciting changes in her life over the past few months from finishing student teaching, graduating from college, meeting the love of her life, getting engaged and securing a teaching position at a charter school in Lehi. So many big life changes all at once! I've loved that Kristen and I both chose English Education as our field of study as it makes for so many fun conversations about literature, grammar and teaching.
Before Krissy moved and started her job up in Lehi in August, she taught English for several months on Tuesday and Thursday evenings at a Girl's Ranch correctional facility near our home here in Enoch specifically for troubled girls all over the United States. Once she was offered the job up in Lehi, she told her boss that she would be leaving, but that she had a sister-in-law who may be a good candidate for the position. We had talked about her neat job many times and I thought it sounded like such a great setup doing two things I absolutely love: teaching English and working with teenagers to make a positive difference in their lives.
When Kristen called to ask me if it was okay to give her boss my number and I then had the chance to schedule an evening to go observe her in action out at the ranch, Burke and I began to heavily discuss the pros and cons of me working. It has always been my intention to be a stay at home mother. I have seen the positive affect of stay at home moms in my own life as well as the lives of my siblings, in-laws, friends, etc. I have been proud of my college education and excited to teach in the future when my babies were grown, but my plan has always been to keep my career on hold until my children were in school and even then I feel it would be important to keep work at a minimal until they are grown and gone, allowing me the ultimate measure of influence on their lives as possible. That has always been my plan and something that Burke and I felt strongly about before we were even married. However, this teaching position was so appealing because it was only two nights a week, from 3:30-8:30, which would mean that we would only need a babysitter for Daphne for 1.5 hours on those days as Burke could be home with her before 5 and then they could have some daddy/daughter bonding time.
With this appealing outlook in mind, I sat down and made a list of the numerous pros of working with reasons varying from the extra income, making a difference in the girls' lives, the location, feeling like I'm making a financial contribution to our family, keeping my teaching license current and especially getting some "real" teaching experience since I had Daphne right after my student teaching and never had a professional teaching job. After listing about 15 significant positive reasons for teaching, my con list came up much shorter with only 3 things on the list. They were:
1) Being away from my family 2 nights a week
2) Becoming distracted from my primary focus as a mother
3) Getting too attached to the girls/emotionally involved in their stories
I stewed over the list, talking with Burke and other family members about the opportunity multiple times and of course praying for guidance. I finally decided no decision could be made until I had actually gone out to the ranch. So, towards the end of June, I joined Kristen one night and observed her in action. The ranch was a super cool setting and facilities, the girls were awesome and the teaching was incredibly flexible, yet I just could not feel at peace. I kept reviewing my list and logically it seemed like I should just do it! What a great way to get my feet wet as a working mama with such a minimal impact on my family! What a fantastic opportunity!
So why was my heart so heavy?
Finally, at the end of July I was officially offered the position and with hardly a second thought, I knew what my answer should be. Thank you, but no thank you.
I felt like a giant boulder had been lifted from my back.
You see, although it was only 2 nights a week away from my family, it was still 2 nights away from my family. And that was a sacrifice I was not willing to make. I was not willing to miss a single game of Candyland, nightly family prayer or bedtime songs. I didn't want to eat dinner at the ranch knowing that my family was a few miles away, eating dinner without me in our home. I didn't want someone else caring for Daphne's well being while Burke and I were away. In short, I was not willing to miss even one evening of this precious and fleeting chapter of our lives in exchange for more money, more experience, more "me time" or more credibility. I decided that my family comes first.
Many would say I'm overboard, that a Mom has every right to further her career and be out in the work force. And I would agree that every Mom has that right, however, if she has that choice and can choose otherwise, I believe she should choose her family. I know there are many people who truly do not have the option and must have the mother in the work force in order to survive and I know that the Lord can and will help those mothers be the best they can when they are home. However, I will irrevocably say, as I have had it confirmed to me again and again, that the ideal place for a mother to be is at home raising her family.
The more I observe other family dynamics and hear of problems in the families around us, it is very often linked to a mother being out of the home. I think about the little kids I recently tended for a family in our ward who started calling me "Mom" after less than 2 hours in my home because they are constantly being farmed out while both of their parents work long hours. I was heart broken to think that it appeared they had lost their connection with their mother and longed for someone to teach them and nurture them.
I feel so blessed that Burke has the kind of job where I can be a stay at home mother, that I not only feel the importance of being home, but that I also love being home. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be here, now, doing all I can to teach my daughter to be good, kind, hard working and virtuous. I hope that if I ever have temptations again in the future, that I will remember the peace I felt when I put motherhood first.
Comments