Musings of a Second Time Mama
Guys! I get so sad when I don't have the time to blog! I am happy to have a minute to myself to sit down and write some thoughts. I have about 10 posts from the past 3 months that I want to catch up on, but tonight I just want to write and not worry about pictures or chronology. I've had a lot of thoughts and observations on my mind that I want to document for my journal, so switch your dial to word purge.
Ever since Darcie was born, I feel like I have become "me" again - only a better version than I was before. Although I wasn't sick with Darcie like I was with Daphne and I didn't have a recurrence of PUPS (praise the heavens!), I look back at 2014 and feel like I was an exhausted mess from about June to October. I had to nap almost every.single.day. I would hit 1 or 2 o'clock and it was like the sand man was dumping a truck load of sleepy powder over my weary body. I would try to set Daphne up next to me on the bed with blocks, puzzles, coloring books and stuffed animals, but after a few days of waking up to things crashing in the kitchen or the front door wide open (so scary!), I finally gave in and began to let her play on the Ipad while I rested. For those of you who have spent much time with us since Daphne was born, you can attest that I am a total prude when it comes to technology. Up until June, Daphne had seen maybe 5 movies in her 3 years of life. Maybe. I am very anti-media when it comes to small children due to all the studies I read in my education classes about the negative affects of screen time on kids. The catch phrase they would say at the doctors, "No TV until after age 3" rang so true to me and I waved that no media banner high. However, one Sunday dinner with my inlaws as I expressed how weary I had been and how scary it was to wake up not knowing what Daphne had been up to for the past hour, LeeAnn essentially told me to RELAX and let my kid watch a dang show so I could function! I was loathe to do it, but in the end that's what would happen once I heard her abandoning the games I had set up for her and I would call out desperately from dreamland, "Come back Daphne! Here, you can watch a Curious George next to Mama on the bed." I hated that I had to resort to that and constantly beat myself up for being such a lazy Mom and letting my daughter rot her brains out because I simply could not keep my body off that bed for another minute! I felt tired from the moment I got up until I crashed into bed around 9 o'clock every night and as a result, I felt like a boring, cranky Mom totally neglecting my little lady. Overall, it was a great pregnancy, but the mental and emotional strain of not being able to be the mother I wanted to be really took a toll on me.
With Darcie's miracle VBAC birth, I was freaking out to be able to get out of bed on my own the morning after the delivery. I couldn't get over how amazing it was to feel pretty much back to normal after just one month. With Daphne's C-section birth, I had pains for over a YEAR after she was born. My first run after Daphne was six months after she was born. It took me 20 minutes to run 1 mile and I was crying from the pain in my incision scar by the end. With Darcie, I took my first run the day after my 6 week checkup. I ran a mile in 12 minutes without any pain besides the discomfort of being severely out of shape. Last Saturday (14 weeks out from having her) I had cut that down to 9 mins 12 seconds. Definitely not my half marathon pace, but I am so dang proud of myself and my progress and even more amazed with the recovery difference between a C-section and a vaginal birth.
Not only have I been feeling terrific physically, but I have been on top of the world emotionally. I only had one minor 2 minute freak out a week after Darcie was born (sleep deprivation will do that to you), but besides that, I have felt totally normal. Some people were super surprised when I showed up at the mountain for the big Adams family dinner the opening night of the hunt with a 10-day-old, but I truly felt so good already that I didn't want my family to miss out on such a fun tradition. In some ways, I actually feel more social than ever and have been actively forging new friendships, inviting neighbors over for dinner, attending family functions, and even hosting a big game night because it feels so amazing to have my energy back.
As for taking care of two little ladies instead of one, I cannot tell you how much I am loving it. I know we all experience the adjustment to new children differently, but for me, it has been a very smooth transition to two. Part of that is because Daphne was so much older when we were finally able to have Darcie (3 years and 4 months between them) and part of that is because Darcie is such an easy baby. Everything about Darcie is precious to me, even her cry, which she does so rarely! Also, having a husband who gets to come home for lunch and is home by 5 o'clock at night may be a contributing factor as to the easy adjustment. We also followed the Baby Wise method again and had Darcie sleeping 5-6 hours a night by 5 weeks and she is consistently sleeping 9-10 hours a night now (2 days shy of 4 months). On top of all that, since Daphne has not been napping since January of 2014, I have had nearly a year with no "me time" anyway, so it didn't feel difficult to add another child's needs when it doesn't cut into any of my down time anyway! With such happy circumstances, I am sure most people would have an easy transition to two as well. I know things would be much more challenging if our girls had been colicky or if any of the above factors were different. So please don't think I'm bragging about my mothering abilities, just feeling very fortunate that we have had such an easy road.
Daphne has truly been a champ as well. The first week she had two potty accidents, but I felt like she accepted Darcie immediately and understood quickly that she wasn't being replaced. She is a huge help to me and melts my hearts with the way she tries to play with her sister, how she has to zurbert her belly whenever I change her diaper and especially when she says prayers on Darcie's behalf. Tonight, for example, she prayed, "We're thankful that we love our baby Darcie. We hope that she can get big. We hope she will crawl soon. We love our baby." So tender.
Another fun thing about being a second-time mom is how much more relaxed I am this time around. Everyone said it would happen, and I didn't doubt them, but it is so humorous to compare how uptight we were with Daphne versus how we are now with Darcie. For example, I was reading over some brochures from the hospital in the days following Darcie's birth and it said something like, "Your newborn should be eating 8-10 times a day, peeing 5-7 times a day and pooping 3-4 times a day" followed by an advisory to see your pediatrician immediately if they were not meeting these quotas. Well, Darcie was only eating about 7 times a day and sometimes she would only poop 1 time. If it had been Daphne I would have been freaking out thinking something was seriously wrong with her. This time, I just laughed at the brochure and threw it in the trash. Although those guidelines were good reference points, I knew Darcie was just fine and that there was nothing to get worked up about. Another example is how scared I was to let people hold Daphne as an infant. I would get really uptight when people came over and in my head I just wanted everyone to leave so we could get back to our schedule. Now, I let all the nieces have their turn ooing and awwing over Darcie at Sunday dinners and recognize how resilient babies are, especially in the chaos of a family gathering. They just fall asleep to tune it all out. Not to say that I am not protective of Darcie, far from it, but I just don't let the little things stress me out anymore.
As a second-time Mom, I feel so much more confidence in myself and my mothering abilities. I have been here before and done it successfully. Not that I didn't make mistakes then, but I learned from them and can apply those lessons now. As Amy once said, the poor first child is the burnt pancake! Poor Daphne has to deal with all of our uncertainties with each new stage that she enters, while Darcie and all subsequent children will have the benefit of parents who have seen tantrums before and know how to resolve them without thinking their child is possessed! Forgive us for our inexperience Daph!
Alright, I had better stop there for now as Burke will be getting home from his Elders Quorum visits in a few minutes and I want to clean up the kitchen from dinner so we can spend some time talking and reading before bed. Bottom line: this is a happy happy stage of life for us. We love having two children and look forward to adding more little bugga-boos in the future.
Ever since Darcie was born, I feel like I have become "me" again - only a better version than I was before. Although I wasn't sick with Darcie like I was with Daphne and I didn't have a recurrence of PUPS (praise the heavens!), I look back at 2014 and feel like I was an exhausted mess from about June to October. I had to nap almost every.single.day. I would hit 1 or 2 o'clock and it was like the sand man was dumping a truck load of sleepy powder over my weary body. I would try to set Daphne up next to me on the bed with blocks, puzzles, coloring books and stuffed animals, but after a few days of waking up to things crashing in the kitchen or the front door wide open (so scary!), I finally gave in and began to let her play on the Ipad while I rested. For those of you who have spent much time with us since Daphne was born, you can attest that I am a total prude when it comes to technology. Up until June, Daphne had seen maybe 5 movies in her 3 years of life. Maybe. I am very anti-media when it comes to small children due to all the studies I read in my education classes about the negative affects of screen time on kids. The catch phrase they would say at the doctors, "No TV until after age 3" rang so true to me and I waved that no media banner high. However, one Sunday dinner with my inlaws as I expressed how weary I had been and how scary it was to wake up not knowing what Daphne had been up to for the past hour, LeeAnn essentially told me to RELAX and let my kid watch a dang show so I could function! I was loathe to do it, but in the end that's what would happen once I heard her abandoning the games I had set up for her and I would call out desperately from dreamland, "Come back Daphne! Here, you can watch a Curious George next to Mama on the bed." I hated that I had to resort to that and constantly beat myself up for being such a lazy Mom and letting my daughter rot her brains out because I simply could not keep my body off that bed for another minute! I felt tired from the moment I got up until I crashed into bed around 9 o'clock every night and as a result, I felt like a boring, cranky Mom totally neglecting my little lady. Overall, it was a great pregnancy, but the mental and emotional strain of not being able to be the mother I wanted to be really took a toll on me.
With Darcie's miracle VBAC birth, I was freaking out to be able to get out of bed on my own the morning after the delivery. I couldn't get over how amazing it was to feel pretty much back to normal after just one month. With Daphne's C-section birth, I had pains for over a YEAR after she was born. My first run after Daphne was six months after she was born. It took me 20 minutes to run 1 mile and I was crying from the pain in my incision scar by the end. With Darcie, I took my first run the day after my 6 week checkup. I ran a mile in 12 minutes without any pain besides the discomfort of being severely out of shape. Last Saturday (14 weeks out from having her) I had cut that down to 9 mins 12 seconds. Definitely not my half marathon pace, but I am so dang proud of myself and my progress and even more amazed with the recovery difference between a C-section and a vaginal birth.
Not only have I been feeling terrific physically, but I have been on top of the world emotionally. I only had one minor 2 minute freak out a week after Darcie was born (sleep deprivation will do that to you), but besides that, I have felt totally normal. Some people were super surprised when I showed up at the mountain for the big Adams family dinner the opening night of the hunt with a 10-day-old, but I truly felt so good already that I didn't want my family to miss out on such a fun tradition. In some ways, I actually feel more social than ever and have been actively forging new friendships, inviting neighbors over for dinner, attending family functions, and even hosting a big game night because it feels so amazing to have my energy back.
As for taking care of two little ladies instead of one, I cannot tell you how much I am loving it. I know we all experience the adjustment to new children differently, but for me, it has been a very smooth transition to two. Part of that is because Daphne was so much older when we were finally able to have Darcie (3 years and 4 months between them) and part of that is because Darcie is such an easy baby. Everything about Darcie is precious to me, even her cry, which she does so rarely! Also, having a husband who gets to come home for lunch and is home by 5 o'clock at night may be a contributing factor as to the easy adjustment. We also followed the Baby Wise method again and had Darcie sleeping 5-6 hours a night by 5 weeks and she is consistently sleeping 9-10 hours a night now (2 days shy of 4 months). On top of all that, since Daphne has not been napping since January of 2014, I have had nearly a year with no "me time" anyway, so it didn't feel difficult to add another child's needs when it doesn't cut into any of my down time anyway! With such happy circumstances, I am sure most people would have an easy transition to two as well. I know things would be much more challenging if our girls had been colicky or if any of the above factors were different. So please don't think I'm bragging about my mothering abilities, just feeling very fortunate that we have had such an easy road.
Daphne has truly been a champ as well. The first week she had two potty accidents, but I felt like she accepted Darcie immediately and understood quickly that she wasn't being replaced. She is a huge help to me and melts my hearts with the way she tries to play with her sister, how she has to zurbert her belly whenever I change her diaper and especially when she says prayers on Darcie's behalf. Tonight, for example, she prayed, "We're thankful that we love our baby Darcie. We hope that she can get big. We hope she will crawl soon. We love our baby." So tender.
Another fun thing about being a second-time mom is how much more relaxed I am this time around. Everyone said it would happen, and I didn't doubt them, but it is so humorous to compare how uptight we were with Daphne versus how we are now with Darcie. For example, I was reading over some brochures from the hospital in the days following Darcie's birth and it said something like, "Your newborn should be eating 8-10 times a day, peeing 5-7 times a day and pooping 3-4 times a day" followed by an advisory to see your pediatrician immediately if they were not meeting these quotas. Well, Darcie was only eating about 7 times a day and sometimes she would only poop 1 time. If it had been Daphne I would have been freaking out thinking something was seriously wrong with her. This time, I just laughed at the brochure and threw it in the trash. Although those guidelines were good reference points, I knew Darcie was just fine and that there was nothing to get worked up about. Another example is how scared I was to let people hold Daphne as an infant. I would get really uptight when people came over and in my head I just wanted everyone to leave so we could get back to our schedule. Now, I let all the nieces have their turn ooing and awwing over Darcie at Sunday dinners and recognize how resilient babies are, especially in the chaos of a family gathering. They just fall asleep to tune it all out. Not to say that I am not protective of Darcie, far from it, but I just don't let the little things stress me out anymore.
As a second-time Mom, I feel so much more confidence in myself and my mothering abilities. I have been here before and done it successfully. Not that I didn't make mistakes then, but I learned from them and can apply those lessons now. As Amy once said, the poor first child is the burnt pancake! Poor Daphne has to deal with all of our uncertainties with each new stage that she enters, while Darcie and all subsequent children will have the benefit of parents who have seen tantrums before and know how to resolve them without thinking their child is possessed! Forgive us for our inexperience Daph!
Alright, I had better stop there for now as Burke will be getting home from his Elders Quorum visits in a few minutes and I want to clean up the kitchen from dinner so we can spend some time talking and reading before bed. Bottom line: this is a happy happy stage of life for us. We love having two children and look forward to adding more little bugga-boos in the future.
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