Lucky Four

***It is now February 2017 and I just started going through my drafts folder on blogger and came across this one.  I am going to back date it so I can have it in the right year when this was happening.  Daphne has continued to improve and at age 5 1/2 she is one special little lady!

Four has always been my lucky number.  It was my soccer jersey number from the time I entered competitive leagues in 4th grade until I graduated as a senior.  If I ever had to choose a number between 1-10, it was always 4.  In June, Daphne turned 4 and magic happened!  I've never believed in the power of my lucky 4 as strongly as I do now!

From about age 2 and a half to 3 and a half, we had some major ups and downs with our Daffodil.  Part of it was the age, part of it was that we moved for the third time in her little life during that window, I was exhausted with my pregnancy and she went from being an only child to having to share the spotlight with baby sis.

During this time, the majority of our time together was peaceful and happy, however, when we would get with other people outside of our little family of three, she was defiant and unkind.  When January came and she started Sunbeams, the Primary Presidency had concerns about her every single week.  I think I cried after church for about 2 months straight due to some comments from these well meaning, but sometimes tactless sisters.  I began to have some serious concerns that Daphne might always be a difficult child around other people, which was so hard for me because when it was just the two of us, she was my bright, sweet little lady and I wished that others could see what an angel she usually was with me.

There were several breakthroughs that we had with her before she turned 4 that reassured me of good things to come.  The first was when I realized I was contributing to the problem by nitpicking on undesirable behavior.  In February I was praying for inspiration to know how to help improve Daphne's behavior when I was reminded of President Monson's call for "Warm Fuzzies" a few years ago.  On our next Family Home Evening, we went to the craft store and picked out 3 glass jars, letter stickers, and a big bag of puffy balls.  We made a warm fuzzy jar for each of us and explained that every time Daphne was obedient, kind or exhibited a form of positive behavior she would be rewarded with a warm fuzzy puff ball.  When her jar was full she would be able to pick a book (from a stash of book order books I had been saving for special occasions) as a reward, emptying her jar and beginning again.  Initially at dinner time each night we would take turns rewarding each other with warm fuzzies for the good things we had seen throughout the day, but I soon began to reward her with the fuzzy the moment she did something good to reinforce that good behavior in the moment.  We even got her Sunday School teacher on board, taking her a few warm fuzzies at the start of class and telling Daphne that Sister Pearson would let us know at the end of class if she had earned them or not. I was amazed at how something so simple was such a huge motivator for her and we saw drastic changes in her behavior in a short amount of time.  It was also helpful for me to realize that by focusing on the positive, we were breading more positivity.  Kind of one of those "duh" moments, but it made a huge difference for us.

Another wonderful shift came as I tried to teach her to think beyond herself and see the needs of others around her.  One day I saw a homeless man (an unusual sight in our little town) in the parking lot of the grocery store with a sign saying anything would help.  I explained to Daphne how his sign meant that he possibly had nothing and reminded her of our blessings.  As we shopped, we got a little extra food to give to him as we left the parking lot as well as some cash.  He was very grateful and kept saying, "God bless you!" as we drove off.  Daphne is extremely tenderhearted and I could see her crying in the rear view mirror, so  I used that moment to teach her that the reason she was crying was because the Holy Ghost was helping us to feel warm and good inside because we had helped one of God's children.

The next week, Daphne brought me her piggy bank one morning.  It jingled about half full and she said with excitement that she wanted to give the money to someone who needed it!  We had been giving her all our spare change for months in an attempt to teach her about tithing and saving.  Later that day when we got to the store, we used the Coin Counter at Walmart which then prints off a receipt that you take to customer service and they give you the cash amount it has printed off.  The lady at the counter was so cute with Daphne and asked her what toy she was going to spend her money on.  She mumbled something bashfully so I asked her to speak a little more clearly.  She put her head up and replied softly, "I'm going to give it to someone who needs it."  The lady was so surprised and she began to cry as she said, "That is the most precious thing I have ever heard!  What a kind girl you are!"  Seeing her emotions made me tear up and I gave Daphne a big hug, so proud of her.  As we walked away I could hear the lady in the background saying to her coworkers, "Did you hear that?!  Did you hear what that sweet little girl said?"  It was such a tender moment.

In her prayers, she almost always says, "Dear Heavenly Father, thankful for this day.  Thankful for my cousins.  Thankful that we know everything.  In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."  We are working on helping her to focus on what she is really saying so it's not a formula prayer each time, but I love how she thinks she knows everything! Haha!