Compromise and the Viewing
An extra sting accompanied Grandpa Pug's Christmas Eve passing as I realized that meant our travel plans to Logan would inevitably be altered. As I have posted about this issue before, you may know that I have struggled with feelings of jealousy of the Adams to Bush ratio - or rather the amount of time spent with each family. It's probably our biggest source of tension in our marriage. It has gotten a ton better in the past year as I have learned to appreciate any time we can have with either side of the family, but I would be lying if I didn't say I still jealously protect my 2 trips to Logan each year and always get excited to go home again. I was thrilled to be headed north after Christmas to be with my entire Bush family (minus the Grants who are in Singapore). We had it all lined out out: drive up Thursday night, attend Tasha's endowment session Friday morning and enjoy being in the temple with all the adults, attend Kaleolani's baptism in Salt Lake Saturday morning, etc., etc. However, once Grandpa's funeral was decided on for Saturday I saw my precious time home with family disappearing before my eyes.
Of course I wanted to be at the funeral, but I was also desperately sad to be missing Tasha's first trip to the temple and all the other events I had been counting down the days toward. I would have done it and I would have swallowed any feelings of sadness or resentment to support Burke, my in-laws and Grandpa in his final goodbye. However, Burke has been so amazing about understanding my need to see my family and offered a compromise. We would attend Grandpa's viewing on Friday night in Cedar City, missing Tasha's endowment and then miss the actual funeral the next day so we could attend Kaleo's baptism in Salt Lake on Saturday morning. I was so grateful to him for his willingness to compromise so we would both miss something, but both be able to attend something. It meant so much to me to be able to support both of our families and to ultimately do what worked best for our little family. I know it hurt Tasha that we couldn't be at the temple with her and I fear some family members were hurt that we didn't stay for the funeral, but I am learning that we will never be able to do all the things we want to. In the end, the most essential thing is that we kept the harmony and peace between us as spouses and were able to feel loved, supported and respected in a situation that could have been very frustrating and emotional.
The viewing ended up being just what Burke needed. It was an opportunity to hug cousins, Aunts and Uncles, to see them all in one place and to share memories and condolences. Seeing Grandpa's body laid out one last time was also a nice sense of closure for Burke to be able to feel like he said goodbye and paid his respects. For myself, I struggled at the viewing a bit. Daphne was running around like a crazy baby and I felt like all I did was chase her and try to keep us from causing a scene. However, I did glimpse tender moments between the family and I was especially touched when Kristen pointed out Rachel and Mac's 8-year-old daughter, McKinley, leaning against the coffin, stroking Grandpa's head tenderly. As she had Sunday dinner with Grandpa nearly every week, it was sweet to see her love and attachment for him.
I borrowed these pictures from the funeral off of Krissy's blog. By all accounts, it was a sweet service and I wish we could have been to support everyone in everything that weekend.
Of course I wanted to be at the funeral, but I was also desperately sad to be missing Tasha's first trip to the temple and all the other events I had been counting down the days toward. I would have done it and I would have swallowed any feelings of sadness or resentment to support Burke, my in-laws and Grandpa in his final goodbye. However, Burke has been so amazing about understanding my need to see my family and offered a compromise. We would attend Grandpa's viewing on Friday night in Cedar City, missing Tasha's endowment and then miss the actual funeral the next day so we could attend Kaleo's baptism in Salt Lake on Saturday morning. I was so grateful to him for his willingness to compromise so we would both miss something, but both be able to attend something. It meant so much to me to be able to support both of our families and to ultimately do what worked best for our little family. I know it hurt Tasha that we couldn't be at the temple with her and I fear some family members were hurt that we didn't stay for the funeral, but I am learning that we will never be able to do all the things we want to. In the end, the most essential thing is that we kept the harmony and peace between us as spouses and were able to feel loved, supported and respected in a situation that could have been very frustrating and emotional.
The viewing ended up being just what Burke needed. It was an opportunity to hug cousins, Aunts and Uncles, to see them all in one place and to share memories and condolences. Seeing Grandpa's body laid out one last time was also a nice sense of closure for Burke to be able to feel like he said goodbye and paid his respects. For myself, I struggled at the viewing a bit. Daphne was running around like a crazy baby and I felt like all I did was chase her and try to keep us from causing a scene. However, I did glimpse tender moments between the family and I was especially touched when Kristen pointed out Rachel and Mac's 8-year-old daughter, McKinley, leaning against the coffin, stroking Grandpa's head tenderly. As she had Sunday dinner with Grandpa nearly every week, it was sweet to see her love and attachment for him.
I borrowed these pictures from the funeral off of Krissy's blog. By all accounts, it was a sweet service and I wish we could have been to support everyone in everything that weekend.
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