#1 - The Journey with Twins: The First Trimester
*Originally posted on October 17, 2016 - Dates changed so the Journey with Twins posts could all be found in one spot together.
Where to even begin. It's hard to go back and capture the depth and breadth of an experience that has so profoundly changed the texture of your mind, heart and soul to the point that no part of you will ever feel the same again. Nor would you want it to.
To begin our story, I will leave no surprise ending and simply state that I am the mother of a twinless twin. Do not be mistaken; I am the mother of twins, eternally bound to me and one another despite one's residence in heaven and one on earth. Yet my earth-bound babe will always feel, will always know that in this life he must travel - twinless.
I knew from the moment we found out we were pregnant that it was twins. All through the month of February and into March I felt anxious. I would say things like, "IF it's twins, then we will need to purchase a van" and "IF it's twins, this could very well be my last pregnancy." I even went so far as to start making plans for selling our home in order to find a house plan that would allow us to access all of the children in the night easily, rather than putting our 5 and 2 year old far away from us in the basement. However, I couldn't logically explain my feelings and second guessed my intuition, so this is how we announced:
I was so horribly sick that I had no desire to hide the news of our pregnancy from anyone. We told our families within days of finding out ourselves, anxious for their understanding as to my exhaustion and constant illness. I spent endless hours curled up in the fetal position on the floor, trying to play blocks with one hand, put puzzles together or read stories to my little ladies. It was brutal.
I thought I was further along, but it turns out I was only 8 weeks pregnant when we had our first appointment in March. I did not realize our doctor would do an ultrasound and my heart rate picked up as Burke and I shepherded our two daughters (at the time 16 months and 4.5) into the dim room. As soon as the ultrasound image came up on the screen I saw two perfectly round heads distinctly and I thought to myself, "That was two heads. Oh my goodness. That was TWO heads." Our doctor hemmed and hawed for a moment before he confirmed, "Well, guys, it looks like we're having twins!" I burst out into tears and exclaimed, "I knew it! I knew it!" Our OB laughed and replied, "What?! How?!" To which I responded unintelligently, "I just knew it. I felt it."
Burke was stunned, but thrilled. Delight spread like wildfire throughout our large families and friends in person and online. Burke's Dad is a twin and I have two sets of twin cousins on my Mom's side of the family, so we had anticipated that (with so many siblings) someone on either side of our family would have twins eventually. As we left our appointment that day, Burke and I both knew that the twins would both be boys and we wondered if this really would be our last pregnancy, rounding our family out with an even two girls and two boys.
I can't say that I was 100% thrilled with the news at first, primarily due to my all encompassing illness and lack of energy. I felt like my Darcie baby was still a baby and the thought of having 4 kids ages 5 and under was pretty overwhelming to me at first. But as time went on (especially after I stopped throwing up on a daily basis), I adjusted to the idea and then became wonderfully excited for our little men to make an appearance.
One source of support came in the form of a Facebook Group called "Mormon Moms of Multiples" that I was added to that spring with over 3,000 LDS mothers. Every day I saw posts from MMoMs of twins, triplets and even a few quadruplets who shared in the extreme joy and exhaustion of raising multiples. They answered questions for the mom wondering which double stroller was best, expressed condolences to the mama whose naughty twin boys destroyed the kitchen in a matter of 5 minutes, laughed together over internet memes on multiples and showed genuine love and concern for each MMoM who chose to share a snippet of her life with the group. These women were realistic and highlighted how challenging life would be with two babies at once, but they were also optimistic and joyful about their children which made me feel not only capable of handling twins, but excited about the opportunity.
From the moment Dr. Sanders confirmed my mother intuition, I was considered a high risk pregnancy. He explained that in a multiple pregnancy every chance of problems increases significantly from gestational diabetes to preeclampsia, miscarriage to preterm labor. Top that off with my already tiny body and the need for frequent monitoring was a must. We came in every two weeks and each time we had a full exam and ultrasound. It was amazing to watch the boys developing and we all formed a deep bond with them early on as we watched them moving so actively even as miniatures.
With Daphne being a C-section baby and Darcie coming successfully VBAC, I was very motivated to try for another VBAC so that I could have a quicker recovery. The first time I mentioned the idea to Dr. Sanders at our 10 week appointment, he instantly balked at the idea. VBACs in general can be dangerous to both Mama and baby in a singleton pregnancy and with multiples, the added strain on previous cesarean incision scars can result in ruptures and demises. He shook his head and said that all Intermountain Health Care hospitals would not allow a mother pregnant with multiples, with any previous cesareans in her history, to try for a vaginal delivery, but would instantly schedule them for c-section at 37 weeks (full term for multiples). I was disappointed, but felt that it was wise to follow the counsel of our doctors. However, when we returned for our 12 week appointment, Dr. Sanders informed us that he had spent the past 2 weeks doing research and talking with a panel of doctors in Salt Lake about my case. He said that if conditions were favorable (meaning the babies were positioned correctly with no complications), he had received permission for me to try for a VBAC. I was elated and felt that a VBAC was key to my successful transition into twin life.
Little did I know that my stress over the method of delivery would soon fade to a non issue as the danger of losing our babies eclipsed all other concerns.
Where to even begin. It's hard to go back and capture the depth and breadth of an experience that has so profoundly changed the texture of your mind, heart and soul to the point that no part of you will ever feel the same again. Nor would you want it to.
To begin our story, I will leave no surprise ending and simply state that I am the mother of a twinless twin. Do not be mistaken; I am the mother of twins, eternally bound to me and one another despite one's residence in heaven and one on earth. Yet my earth-bound babe will always feel, will always know that in this life he must travel - twinless.
I knew from the moment we found out we were pregnant that it was twins. All through the month of February and into March I felt anxious. I would say things like, "IF it's twins, then we will need to purchase a van" and "IF it's twins, this could very well be my last pregnancy." I even went so far as to start making plans for selling our home in order to find a house plan that would allow us to access all of the children in the night easily, rather than putting our 5 and 2 year old far away from us in the basement. However, I couldn't logically explain my feelings and second guessed my intuition, so this is how we announced:
How we announced to our families
I was so horribly sick that I had no desire to hide the news of our pregnancy from anyone. We told our families within days of finding out ourselves, anxious for their understanding as to my exhaustion and constant illness. I spent endless hours curled up in the fetal position on the floor, trying to play blocks with one hand, put puzzles together or read stories to my little ladies. It was brutal.
My sis-in-law took this picture at a Sunday dinner in Parowan in January. I remember vividly feeling like garbage at this dinner and not knowing for sure yet if I was preggo.
I thought I was further along, but it turns out I was only 8 weeks pregnant when we had our first appointment in March. I did not realize our doctor would do an ultrasound and my heart rate picked up as Burke and I shepherded our two daughters (at the time 16 months and 4.5) into the dim room. As soon as the ultrasound image came up on the screen I saw two perfectly round heads distinctly and I thought to myself, "That was two heads. Oh my goodness. That was TWO heads." Our doctor hemmed and hawed for a moment before he confirmed, "Well, guys, it looks like we're having twins!" I burst out into tears and exclaimed, "I knew it! I knew it!" Our OB laughed and replied, "What?! How?!" To which I responded unintelligently, "I just knew it. I felt it."
Post April 4, 2016
Burke was stunned, but thrilled. Delight spread like wildfire throughout our large families and friends in person and online. Burke's Dad is a twin and I have two sets of twin cousins on my Mom's side of the family, so we had anticipated that (with so many siblings) someone on either side of our family would have twins eventually. As we left our appointment that day, Burke and I both knew that the twins would both be boys and we wondered if this really would be our last pregnancy, rounding our family out with an even two girls and two boys.
I can't say that I was 100% thrilled with the news at first, primarily due to my all encompassing illness and lack of energy. I felt like my Darcie baby was still a baby and the thought of having 4 kids ages 5 and under was pretty overwhelming to me at first. But as time went on (especially after I stopped throwing up on a daily basis), I adjusted to the idea and then became wonderfully excited for our little men to make an appearance.
One source of support came in the form of a Facebook Group called "Mormon Moms of Multiples" that I was added to that spring with over 3,000 LDS mothers. Every day I saw posts from MMoMs of twins, triplets and even a few quadruplets who shared in the extreme joy and exhaustion of raising multiples. They answered questions for the mom wondering which double stroller was best, expressed condolences to the mama whose naughty twin boys destroyed the kitchen in a matter of 5 minutes, laughed together over internet memes on multiples and showed genuine love and concern for each MMoM who chose to share a snippet of her life with the group. These women were realistic and highlighted how challenging life would be with two babies at once, but they were also optimistic and joyful about their children which made me feel not only capable of handling twins, but excited about the opportunity.
From the moment Dr. Sanders confirmed my mother intuition, I was considered a high risk pregnancy. He explained that in a multiple pregnancy every chance of problems increases significantly from gestational diabetes to preeclampsia, miscarriage to preterm labor. Top that off with my already tiny body and the need for frequent monitoring was a must. We came in every two weeks and each time we had a full exam and ultrasound. It was amazing to watch the boys developing and we all formed a deep bond with them early on as we watched them moving so actively even as miniatures.
Ultrasound of the twins at 10 weeks 3 days. At this point Dr. Sanders began to suspect they were identical as he thought he could only identify 1 placenta.
Little did I know that my stress over the method of delivery would soon fade to a non issue as the danger of losing our babies eclipsed all other concerns.
Comments