Stepping Up

*Warning: another long post of recent musings and changes I am trying to make in my life.*

Last week when I wrote about struggling, I was beating myself up mentally for all my weaknesses.  In the week that has followed I have received messages and texts from family and friends with words of encouragement, read articles from leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints about overcoming trials and perfectionist tendencies, and I have also been reading The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis with Burke that has illuminated areas in my life that I need to work on.  Each of these things has helped to remind me that my trials are so minuscule compared to the majority of the world and I am ashamed at how poorly I reacted to a few rocky days.

I have felt almost a sense of urgency lately to "step it up" and become a better person.  With all the blessings and opportunities I have been given, with the incredible man I am married to and the immense support we have received from God, family and friends, I have felt that it is not okay for me to be comfortable or complacent with my current position in life.  I have a great desire to improve myself and to become a more dependable daughter of God who is in tune with the spirit and capable of being a tool for good in His hands.  The past few days I have been making a conscious effort to make some changes that will help me to become a better person and be open to the word of God in my life.

Change #1
My first successful change was to stop taking birth control.  Several people confided that birth control has affected them negatively and I wondered if that was contributing to my inability to combat my trials.  I have been off for nearly a week and I can't believe how much better I am already feeling!  In fact, I feel more hopeful and more like myself than I have in a long time.

Change #2
My second successful change has come by consciously trying to serve someone else each day.  Even if that service is just in the form of having a hot dinner ready for Burke when he gets home, calling a friend or visiting with a neighbor, I am finding that the more I look outside myself, the better I feel inside as well.

Change #3
Third, I am striving for CONSISTENCY!  It's funny how I know that reading my scriptures daily, praying, exercising, and eating right are all things that undoubtedly make me feel happier, but far too often I put those things off until the day is over and I say, "Oh, I'll do it tomorrow."  No, I won't.  I am trying really hard to make these things habits.

Change #4
Burke and I realized that our argument last weekend came about from simply not taking enough time for each other.  So many people warned us that with a new baby this would happen, but I suppose we had to experience it for ourselves.  We have been so distracted by learning to parent, our upcoming move, church callings, family obligations, etc., that we forgot to make some special time for each other.  On Saturday night we left Daphne with Cassie for an hour and went to the temple together for the first time since Daphne was born and watched a movie after we put her to bed.  We have decided that continuing our couple prayers and scripture study, being a bit more rigorous about a formal Family Home Evening on Mondays, a date night on the weekend and taking the time to really talk to each other each day will help us keep our marriage and our family strong. (Check out the September issue of the Ensign - it's full of great articles on strengthening your marriage)

Change #5
And finally, the most recent change I am trying to make is to be more grateful and aware of the good.  Last night Burke and I watched the inspiring Mormon Tabernacle Choir 9-11 Tribute followed by a stimulating interview on BYU-TV with a panel of educators - two of whom were at the towers on 9-11 and the way it changed their lives.  As I remembered that day and listened to the beautiful music and stories, my heart swelled with patriotic sentiments and I held on tight to my Burkie, adamantly thanking Heavenly Father for our lives, our country and our safety.  Then this morning I read my bro-in-laws recap of a recent humanitarian trip he took to India helping people with leprosy learn how to care for their wounds and again I felt humbled and grateful for good health, first-world living conditions, comfortable beds, etc.  We have been given so much and I hope that I can show my gratitude by stepping up and making serious efforts to become a better person.

Comments

Chelsea said…
I love and agree with all five changes! You are awesome.

By the way, I love seeing your dad when I watch Music and the Spoken Word. Seeing him makes up for not seeing my dad (who is usually up in the back corner cause he's a bass).
Shauna said…
I absolutely love your blog. I love that you write about the good and the bad. You make me want to step it up too.
Anonymous said…
I love you Em. I really do. xoxo stef