A Wake Up Call

On Wednesday, Daphne and I joined Burke on his early morning commute to Mesquite with a load of stuff for the house and to help Burke get organized as Kokopelli was moving to a posh new office on the other side of town.  Celeste and Lance (Burke's cousin and wife whom we will be renting the house from) very kindly had the carpets and tiles cleaned at the start of the week and the house looked great!  I figured I would spend the morning deep cleaning and then the afternoon helping Burke at the office.  It turned out that there were a lot of little toys, clothes, and other odds and ends that had been left in closets and cupboards that needed to be organized into the storage in the garage before I could get started.  I ended up spending about five and a half hours relocating the left over stuff and I didn't even get around to cleaning yet!

But that is not the point of this story.  The point is, that while I was organizing, Daphne was being a wonder baby, cooing at me from her seat as I would haul her around with me to each room.  Every few hours we would take a break for her to eat, play for a little bit and then put her down to nap on the couch Lance left for us to use.  She wasn't sleeping very well, so when Burke joined us for lunch, we put her down again, thinking this time she was tired enough that she would take a great big nap.  Well, as I showed Burke the progress I had made, he suddenly glanced over to where Daphne was on the other side of the room and said with concern, "Emily, I don't know if that's the best place to have her."  Just then she had shifted a little and rolled her face into the couch cushion, where she began squirming, but couldn't detach herself.  I rushed over and rolled her over to find she had thrown up and had vomit in her mouth and all over her face.  Her eyes were wide, but as soon as she saw me she grinned and didn't make a single fuss.  Although she seemed alright, I burst into tears as I cleaned her up and clutched her to me, thoroughly shaken.  I felt like the world's worst mother and was terrified to think what would have happened if Burke hadn't drawn my attention to her.  

The past couple of days I have replayed that moment in my mind over and over again and every time it fills me with the same horror to think what could have happened to our darling baby girl.  I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of my little one being hurt and light headed when I realize that my carelessness could be the cause of a tragedy.  It's not the same as with my cooking where a moment of inattention leads only to water boiling over the pot or burnt toast.  I cannot allow myself to get distracted when I am responsible for everything our child stands in need of.  She literally relies on me to take care of every single thing in her life: her food, her warmth, her cleanliness, her comfort, her safety and her happiness.  I think I have been feeling perhaps a little overconfident, thinking that I was doing a really good job adjusting to motherhood and the Lord in his wisdom sent me a wake-up call to shake me a little, to humble me, and help me realize the great responsibility I have on my shoulders to be the earthly caretaker of this miraculously little life.  

I am crying as I type this as I realize how empty my life would be without her.  I never realized how exponentially MORE happy Burke and I could be just be making the decision to start our family.  She has filled our home with a light and joy that I didn't know was possible to feel.  I thought we had a great marriage and life before, but with Daphne with us now, I often feel my heart is full to the bursting with love and gratitude to God for letting us be her parents.  

I encourage each of my sweet friends and family members with children or who have nieces/nephews in their care who read this to perhaps be a little more alert and aware of our children's needs.  Keep them safe and be so grateful for every precious day we have with them.