Here For Now

It seems like everyone has been asking us what our plan is lately: family, neighbors, friends, ward members, etc.  18 months ago when we moved to Mesquite I had a plan and a very simple plan at that - GET OUT!  I was fine with being here for one year and for one year only.  Then we would move.  We'd get a crazy fantastic career-type job somewhere with all 4 seasons and we'd be really, really, stupendously happy.

I enjoyed being here in Mesquite.  I loved the hermit life I led with my little infant babe, still healing from my c-section and learning to exercise again without my innards becoming my outwards.  I began to make friends, became enthralled with family history, got called as the Girls Camp Director and then Young Women, and found myself in a pleasant routine.  We were really, really (not quite stupendously) happy but my plan was always there at the back of my mind.  We would be out of this town in 10 months...6 months...3 months... 

When October came around and we hit our year mark in Mesquite, I became a bit fidgety.  Why were we still here?  We were supposed to have a crazy fantastic job offer by now.  We should be packing brown boxes and giving away junk.  What was the hold up?  Every time people would ask me what we would do if the house sold, I'd say we would most likely (most definitely in my mind) be leaving.  As the Christmas holidays came and went, I felt frequently unsettled wondering why the Lord wasn't providing a means to the end I was sure he had in store for us.  

The funny thing was, it wasn't that I didn't like Mesquite.  As I've mentioned before, we have the most amazing neighbors and we love our ward.  Burke gets to come home from work for lunch every day, he enjoys what he's doing and he gets along well with his co-workers/bosses.  We absolutely love the house we are living in and we're only 30 minutes from the nearest family members in St. George.  There are so many great things about this area and this stage of life, but all I could focus on was how my plan was not going the way it was supposed to go!

And then one day, I saw this quote.  

And it all became very clear.  It was the answer to all my frustrated pleading.  It was as if Heavenly Father was gently reminding me, My timing, is not your timing.  My plan is not your plan.  

The reason I felt frustrated and unsettled is because I could not see past my own selfish desires to recognize that we are exactly where the Lord needs us right now.

I listened to Elder Eyring's October General Conference talk and I cried.  I had created a pavilion between myself and my Heavenly Father by trying to insist that I knew what was good for us and that He should better hurry up and deliver so we could get on with our lives.  I was ashamed with myself and I had some repenting to do.

Things have been so good since I have surrendered my will to His will.

So now, when people ask us what our plan is, I simply shrug and say, "That's a great question!"  But for now, I know we are here for a reason.  We are here for now and here is a good place to be.  We are learning so very much and guess what?  We are really, really, stupendously happy!

I think we'll stay here forever! (reverse psychology...maybe?...no? oh fine.)