Little Miss Independent

I've had a lot on my mind lately.  Mostly this little bug.

She's learning something new every day.  She's so adventurous and independent.  She has no fear of animals, strangers or new places.  She climbs into and on top of anything she can.  Any chance she gets she tears down the hall/street/out the door and runs away from me at full baby sprint.  I've tested to see if she'll come back, if she'll look over her shoulder and beckon me with a smile to join her escapades.  Very rarely does that happen.  In some ways, I feel like she already doesn't need me or want me around.  I feel like I'm losing my grip on our peaceful, simple life together that has been our existence for the past 14 months.  

She screams at the top of her lungs in church now and throws a fit if we try and hold her in our arms.  It's embarrassing and I find I get very little (if anything) out of church these days.  The other day we were over helping our friends who are doing some remodeling on their home and Daphne hit their son who is her age.  It was totally unprovoked and I was flabbergasted.  Where do babies learn these things?  We obviously don't hit at home and she's had just a few small incidents with cousins.  Is that enough to teach her to hit?  It made me feel like a terrible mother, especially as I didn't know how to handle it.  "Say you're sorry" doesn't work for an almost 14-month-old who says four words ("Mama, Dada, Buh-bles, and Cow).

On the way home Burke guiltily said, "Is it terrible that I would rather her have her be the one hitting than getting hit?  I like knowing she'll stand up for herself."  I can see his point, but I never thought my kid would be the one being a meanie-baby or causing the scene in the grocery store.  I'm trying to figure out ways to teach her to be kind and obedient, but she is so independent, she could care less when I try to explain why she can't run out into the street or put dirt in her mouth, etc.  She just sees my attempts at disciplining as an obstacle to her fun.  I try to find ways to channel her energy and teach her something new to focus her blossoming mind on a productive avenue, but sometimes it feels like I'm not accomplishing much of anything.

And then we have a moment like last night where she ate her whole snack before bedtime without throwing anything on the floor, giggled and splashed in the tubby with enthusiasm, and cuddled up without resisting, drinking her last sippy of milk while Burke played her a lullaby on the guitar and I sang my heart out to this precious babe who has forever altered our lives.  She lay there grinning on my lap long after the milk was gone, letting me gently rub her back and caress her smooth face and downy-soft tuft of hair.  It was a sweet moment and all my feelings of inadequacy as a mother scurried to the corners of my mind while I held my daughter, my little everything, close to my heart.  

We have a lot to learn about being parents, but last night was a good reminder to me that through our persistent and consistent efforts, it will come.  In the mean time, I am trying hard to enjoy our little moments of peace each day and this priceless one-on-one time I get to have with my baby girl.  She is such a gift and I am incredibly grateful to be her mother.