Keeping Score
Why do the holidays always go too fast? This Thanksgiving was no exception. We had a beautiful 5 days in Logan with the Bush family. It had been TEN months since I had been with my family and I didn't realize, until I was in my parent's lovely home, how starved I had been for some Bushbunch bonding. My in-laws are awesome and I do love spending time with them, but there is something so special about being "home" with the people who have seen me at my absolute best and absolute worst, who have loved me through acne and braces and tantrums and midnight-groundings. My family just gets me and accepts that whole multi-faceted package for what it is.
Truth be told, I have been feeling a little bitter the past several months. Although I knew I shouldn't, I was keeping score. "We've been to Parowan 10 times this year and only once to Logan!" I know it wasn't fair of me to keep a tally as going to Logan is 5x's a longer trip, much more expensive, and if we want to be back for work on Monday then we drive up, have essential 1 whole day together and then drive home. Add a baby to that mix and suddenly it becomes a LOT harder to make the trip happen. Plus, once you get there, you want so badly to see your family, but there are also so many dear friends in town. Who do you choose to see on this visit without offending the family or other friends? It can make the trip seem so daunting when you add up all these factors. But after feeling so rejuvenated because of this trip, I realized that for my sanity, I absolutely must see my family and friends more often.
Do any of you face this challenge of finding the balance between in-laws and your own family? How do I force myself to stop secretly keeping score so I am not resentful when we go to Parowan more often than Logan? Am I just super selfish? Lately, I've been afraid that I am. It scares me that I could have been so blind to such a failing for so long.
Wow, this post transformed very quickly from the upbeat recap of our happy holiday that I had planned into a vent session. I will hold off on the pictures and the updates until tomorrow, because right now I guess I just need some reassurance that I'm normal. I don't want to keep score and I want to enjoy the time I have with both sides of the family, but how do I do it? A little help please!
Truth be told, I have been feeling a little bitter the past several months. Although I knew I shouldn't, I was keeping score. "We've been to Parowan 10 times this year and only once to Logan!" I know it wasn't fair of me to keep a tally as going to Logan is 5x's a longer trip, much more expensive, and if we want to be back for work on Monday then we drive up, have essential 1 whole day together and then drive home. Add a baby to that mix and suddenly it becomes a LOT harder to make the trip happen. Plus, once you get there, you want so badly to see your family, but there are also so many dear friends in town. Who do you choose to see on this visit without offending the family or other friends? It can make the trip seem so daunting when you add up all these factors. But after feeling so rejuvenated because of this trip, I realized that for my sanity, I absolutely must see my family and friends more often.
Do any of you face this challenge of finding the balance between in-laws and your own family? How do I force myself to stop secretly keeping score so I am not resentful when we go to Parowan more often than Logan? Am I just super selfish? Lately, I've been afraid that I am. It scares me that I could have been so blind to such a failing for so long.
Wow, this post transformed very quickly from the upbeat recap of our happy holiday that I had planned into a vent session. I will hold off on the pictures and the updates until tomorrow, because right now I guess I just need some reassurance that I'm normal. I don't want to keep score and I want to enjoy the time I have with both sides of the family, but how do I do it? A little help please!
Comments
I suppose the best cure for feeling selfish (regardless if you are or not) is to maintain a grateful attitude. You love Burke's family, yes, but they aren't your own. But isn't it wonderful that you have family so close to you, in case something happens? Another thing to consider is how many of the BushBunch really live in Cache Valley? Would you even see them all if you came up to Logan every month? Plus--you do have Cassie and Dan only 30 minutes away! And don't forget about Skype. You can have a wonderful video chat (I know, it's not the same as actually being there!) with your family several times a week.
Another thing that might help is establishing more of your own traditions with just Burke, Daphne, and yourself. Things that remind you of home, of his family, all with your own little twist.
And don't ever feel pressured that you need to do this or see so-and-so whenever you are in Cache Valley. You should be able to enjoy your time, and you'll be happy no matter what you're doing or who you're with. Toss the guilt, and catch the joy, my dear Em! :)
We still have that problem of dividing time equally when we visit home though. I finally just had to accept the fact that it is easier for us to spend time with Jeff's family because of the situation they are in (my parents still have young ones at home and a lot going on). Once I accepted that it was much easier and I was much happier visiting with his family. I decided that I am tired of trying to please everyone else, so I just do whatever works for me and my family--but I realize that the score will never be even. So I don't have to keep score and feel guilty anymore.
Sorry for the long ramble...I don't think I offered much advice, but you're not alone in your mind-set!